Are you kind to and compassionate with yourself? Think about it.   Are you treating yourself as well as you treat others? This topic is important to me because as a board-certified health and wellness coach who has worked with many lovely, loving, talented, and accomplished women, it is one area where I see all too many times ladies who are so hard on themselves yet would NEVER in a million years treat others the way they treat themselves. We deserve better, sisters!

Love Yourself

With February being the month of love, what better time to start loving yourself more through compassionate self-awareness? Do it for YOU.   We live in a world that often emphasizes perfectionism and high achievement. Constantly “doing” and accomplishing are the messages we get, as well as being the perfect everything – wife, significant other, mother, daughter, friend, neighbor, professional, employee, leader, and more. The messages we tell ourselves because of these pressures sometimes come at the expense of our mental health and well-being.   It’s time to be kind to ourselves.

It all starts with compassionate self-awareness when thinking about being kind to ourselves. I think of a quote from ancient Greek storyteller Aesop: “No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.” This is true, and I know that, at times, the person I am the least kind to is myself. And if a small act of kindness can be good for others, can it not also be good for us? This is where compassionate self-awareness comes in.

Compassionate WHAT?

Compassionate self-awareness is just what it sounds like: a combination of self-awareness and self-compassion. It means being mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and actions while treating yourself with kindness and understanding.

It is as simple as it sounds. 

Self-awareness is understanding your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and how your actions affect others.

 Self-compassion is being kind and gentle with yourself, especially when the going gets tough. Instead of being self-critical, it’s about treating yourself with the same care, empathy, and kindness you would give to a friend.

Put them together like a PB&J sandwich, it becomes simple with two ingredients: knowledge and kindness. Know yourself and be kind! It doesn’t get any simpler than that. The result may be improved mental health, resilience, and overall well-being. A recipe worth trying!

Where to Start: Self-Reflection

Where to start? Sitting and reflecting may not be the most exciting activity you want to do in your downtime, but it’s a great place to start.  The first step to doing better is to know better.  What better way to know oneself than to self-reflect. 

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

― Maya Angelou

If you need help getting started, think through some of these questions. What are your values, and what is important to you? How do your values influence your everyday actions and decisions?  When do you find yourself being critical of yourself? How can you be kinder to yourself when you are overly self-critical? What happens when you make mistakes or fail?   How do you respond, and how could you be more compassionate with yourself? These are great questions and can set the stage for being more self-aware.

Tuning in to strengths, negative beliefs, and self-care activities can also be very helpful. What are your strengths? How can you use them to enhance your well-being? What negative beliefs do you have about yourself, and how can you look at them differently? How do you practice self-care, and what activities help you recharge? What about emotional triggers? 

Ask yourself about your emotional triggers and how you might address them with self-empathy. How do you celebrate accomplishments – the big ones and the everyday? What boundaries must be set to protect your mental and emotional well-being? These are all insightful questions that can help in your self-compassion journey. 

Lastly, the “Big Kahuna” question of them all, “How do I show compassion to others, and how might I turn that same compassion towards myself?”

Next – Putting it into Practice

With those honest self-reflections, the next step is to use what you have discovered and put self-compassion and kindness into practice through intentionality. Here are some ways to practice compassionate self-awareness in your daily life.

Mindful Observation

Consider your thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad. Observe them like you would watch clouds passing in the sky and let them float by.

Self-Compassion Breaks

When you notice you’re being hard on yourself, take a moment to practice self-compassion. You might say to yourself, “This is a hard moment. We all have times of hardship. May I be kind to myself in this moment of hardship?”

Journaling

Write it out. Get a blank journal and start writing. Write about whatever is on your mind. Your experiences, emotions, and thoughts are all important. Write about whatever is on your mind and think about it compassionately.

Positive Affirmations

Use positive affirmations to reinforce self-compassion. Phrases like “I am enough,” “I deserve kindness,” and “I am doing my best” can help shift your mindset.

Getting Support

Talk it out. Sometimes, a good friend is all we need. Sometimes, we may need professional help. Either is o.k. Sometimes, an outside perspective is very valuable and just what we need.

Practicing Self-Care

Engage in activities that nurture your body, mind, and spirit. Maybe taking a warm bath does it for you. Or reading a book. It could be spending time in nature. Whatever it is, go for it!

You are Worth It

Self-love and compassion are where it’s at. We’re more likely to have a positive self-image and self-esteem when we love ourselves, and we are less likely to have feelings of anxiety, depression, and stress, leading to a healthier mental and emotional state. We may become more resilient and able to bounce back from life challenges and setbacks. We also do better at setting boundaries, which may lead to better relationships with others. When we love ourselves and practice kindness and compassion, we make it easier to have confidence in our abilities to learn and grow by giving attention to our strengths and weaknesses without being overly critical of ourselves. We may make better decisions by making choices that align with our values. Overall, we may be happier and more fulfilled.   And what could be better than that? 

Loving ourselves is like giving our soul a high-five.

Ultimately, loving ourselves is like giving our soul a high-five. Here’s to lots of self-love and high-fives during this “month of love”!

Sources:

A Time to Bloom Health and Wellness Coaching, LLC https://atimetobloomcoaching.com/

Cleveland Clinic. (2024, February 9). What is self-love, and how do you practice it? Cleveland Clinic Health Essentials. Retrieved from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/self-love

Gillette, H. (2024, September 27). What is self-love, and why is it so important? Psych Central. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/health/what-is-self-love-and-why-is-it-so-important

Okutsu, J. (2024, April 14). Why is self-love important? (35 reasons + expert insights). UpJourney. Retrieved from https://upjourney.com/why-is-self-love-important

Vanderbilt Health Coaching Program, Resources for Health, and Wellness Coaches. https://www.vumc.org/health-coaching/health-coaching-program